Sex 101: Roleplay

Roleplay is a funny topic for me. It reminds me of all the roleplaying we did as kids. Remember playing doctor? Or how about high school? While those games weren’t sexual, they were about taking on another role in order to achieve a certain outcome. Those games taught us the power of imagination something that I think we lose as we get older. I mean, you don’t really play high school, when you’re actually in high school.

Being creative with your sexuality lets you break free from the traditional social norms of human sexuality. This is why roleplay can be very important. Roleplay lets you and your partner(s) take on different roles that can add a level of surprise to your sex life. This can range based on ones sexual and kink comfort. I remember when my sister and I both read 50 Shades of Grey, and how bored I was and how turned on she was. I thought the writing was worse than the actual story. There was nothing creative about 50 Shades, and was really damaging to the kink world.

As someone who identifies as a sadist, Christian Grey is really messed up, and a terrible example of someone who’s into BDSM; however, my sister loved the book. For her, Christian Grey was sexy and confident, the light spanking and doggy style sex was enough to get her going. While I’m not Miss Kinky 2014 (and don’t plan to ever be), I found myself wanting more from the book. I knew I wasn’t going to get it, because the book was an outsiders perspective of kink, but that got me thinking about how people treat roleplay and kink differently.

For me, roleplay and kink are somewhat important in my sex life. Though I don’t beat my boyfriend to a pulp (ever), I still find it important to my wellbeing that we are both comfortable with exploring each others fetishes and kinks. This is why communication is key in any relationship (regardless of there being sex or not). When Josh and I first started dating, I made it clear that I wasn’t going to be in a monogamous vanilla relationship. Not only does he understand that, but he respects it as well.

There are many different ways to look at BDSM, than just sex and leather boots. For me, BDSM has little to do with actual sex. There are those who live 24/7 BDSM lives, with which their kinks are not a simple sexual fetish, but a lifestyle. There are also those who sport BDSM for a set period of time, playing out a fantasy role in a scene. Communication is so important with roleplay, regardless of how intense the situation is. A more basic roleplay scene such as plumber/housewife, needs just as much communication as does an intense rape scene. While the actions in both might be very different, the people involved need to know each other’s limitations and desires.

When it comes to roleplay, there is no room for judgment. So long as it’s legal and consensual, there shouldn’t be a problem. Remember, when it comes to BDSM you must practice the three basic rules: safe, sane, and consensual.

If your partner isn’t too into your fantasy, you shouldn’t try to force it on them or become upset that they aren’t into it. This is also a form of judging that doesn’t belong in BDSM. I do realize that some fetishes/kinks are an important part of a person’s sexual wellbeing, which is another reason why communication is so important. If you and your partner communicate, and want what’s best for each other, you should be able to find a working agreement with regards to roleplay fantasies. This can involve having other partners with which you can act out your kinks. You never know until you talk about it. You should never go behind your partner(s) back, because it is still an act of cheating, which isn’t healthy for either party. Be open with your partner, and they will be open with you.

There are tons of different books and information sources on BDSM and roleplay that you can find at Seduction and on the internet. Watching kink porn could be a good way to realize what fantasies you’d be interested in trying. Just remember that everything takes practice and no one can tell you the right way to be kinky. There isn’t one, minus all the obvious safety rules that everyone should follow —  in fact, it was from a kink.com video that I realized I was into electricity and medical play.

So get out there, read a book, test things out, go to a fetish event. Point is, you won’t know how you like it until you at least explore it a little. Don’t ever feel forced to do something that you don’t want to do. Roleplay can be a serious mental and emotional journey, so make sure that it is with someone you trust and are comfortable with.

Some Types of Roleplay:

Dominant/submissive (D/s), Master/slave (M/s), Top/bottom (T/b), Furries Animal play (pup play, pony play, kitty play etc), Age play (Mommy/boy, Mommy/girl, Daddy/boy, Daddy/girl, little), Doll play, Medical play (Nurse/patient, Doctor/patient, Doctor/nurse etc), Queer play (acting out fantasies contrary to your sexual orientation), Gender play (taking on the role of another gender), Rape and/or kidnapping, School play (Teacher/student, Student/teacher, Principle/student, Coach/student etc), Furniture play (acting as an inanimate object), Prison play (Guard/prisoner, Prisoner/guard, Prisoner/prisoner etc)